|River Girls Drama Queen Card|
Despite the occasional bravado, some days I realize, I am a poodle, and not the regulation sized one either, the toy one.
Granted, I have had my throat surgically cut two times, subsequently survived the radioactive iodine treatments and isolation, given birth to two babies naturally, traveled overseas alone, and despite having the swimming skills of a large box of fudge, survived falling from a craggy rock into the Atlantic Ocean. Still, certain things truly scare me, well give me the willies anyway, like:
1. Bugs. The only insects I can bear are ladybugs (minuscule, red and cute); fireflies (short expiration date with the adorable underbelly flashlight); and butterflies (despite the buggy bodies, they possess the beautiful wings).
Last August, I refused to go to bed because a Praying Mantis with a head the the size of a Midwestern suburban community infiltrated my bedroom. Please do not tell me that Buddhists think they are a sign of good fortune, or that they balance the ecosystem. This bug was humongous. I half expected it to speak.
2. Men with nickname fetishes. They either have an odd ironic one (Clearly obese but nicknamed Skinny. Clearly short but nicknamed Stretch) or randomly assign all their prized possessions with a nickname (Lucy for the car, Chaz for the boat, and Johnson or Woody for the genitalia)
3. Succotash, oysters, and okra. In other words, anything that is to be consumed but is suspiciously wet, slimy and jiggly.
4. People who go from gossiping and calling everyone "that assh*le" to quoting bible passages.
Several years ago, an acquaintance from my children's school who was lively though not profane per se, changed abruptly --almost overnight. After chatting with her on a street corner I hugged her, and mentioned I would bring the children by for trick or treating, To this she replied, in an almost hushed whispery tone, "Oh no. I turn my light off for Halloween now."
"Why I asked? The the teenagers egging and toilet papering houses?"
"No," she replied, "Halloween--it's really a Satanic holiday."
"Oh." I said standing there clutching a large witch's hat I had just purchased for my daughter and a CVS bag bulging with six types of Halloween candy.
5. Drugs and drug movies where attractive women are randomly kidnapped, forced fed heroin and sold into the sex trade. Okay seriously. That ship has sailed by now, but it still scares me.
What scares you?