Tuesday, June 07, 2011

day 18
Confessions, Part 2
(or  Playing Scrabble with the Obamas and why I do not like dogs....)
River GirlsWakeup Call Soap in
 Peppermint & Eucalyptus ,
perfect after that long dog tussle on the street

7. I do not like dogs. I'm sorry, but when I was seven, a German Shepherd chased me on the walk to school. He was  large with snapping, sharp teeth. Despite my darting, he caught up to me and tore my brown bag lunch out of my hands. I began sobbing as he nipped my wrist while my brother was simultaneously screaming, "GIVE him the Bag!!! Wanda give him the bag now!!"

What a nightmare.  Because of this incident, Wishbone and Snoopy are my favorite  dogs. Apparently both can do math in their heads, dance the Cossack on a piano top and shovel snow.

8. My parents let us read whatever we wanted. While they were draconian strict about most everything else: bed times, slippers, weekly Mass, and keeping your hands to yourself, books were pretty much open season. As soon as you could read, you were taken for a library card and let loose in the building. As a result, I read Jane Eyre the same weekend I read the Joy of Sex. The library didn't let me take out the latter; That was in the adult section. I stole my brother's copy from underneath his mattress.

9. If you ask me if you can "axe" me something. I will say yes, but I will be thinking, "Can I strangle you and leave no fingerprints?" I will be thinking, "Really how hard is it to pronounce an S. You don't ask the pharmacist for a bottle of axprin do you ??? You don't say my neighbor, that axhole, borrowed my new weed whacker and never returned it..." do you? Ask has an S.

10. When people serve just pasta at their dinner party I think how cheap are you? I don't care how much smelly cheese from Whole Foods you grate on top of it. How much pungent garlic bread you throw in a shabby chic wicker basket. How much red wine gets sloshed in my goblet... Honestly, I'm thinking noodles, really??

River Girls Scrabble Dominatrix.
 Inside Reads: If you play, I promise to be gentle.
11. Once I dreamt that I went to the White House and played President and Mrs. Obama in Scrabble. The President spelled zephyr on a triple but I beat him anyway. The First Lady kept telling him to block the triples, but he didn't listen. He was gracious and very buff, but he didn't serve any snacks, just diet root beer with these enormous ice cubes (what???) That part was hugely disappointing.

Good night,

1 comment:

Scarlet Robin said...

This is funny, Wanda!

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