Wednesday, July 13, 2011

day 54
10 Things I Confess I Do Not Understand

1. Women who wear those sweat pants with the word JUICY emblazoned across the rear end. Really?!?

2. Pringles Potato Chips, all flavors. 
It's like the IKEA furniture design team got a hold of some bad weed, smoked it, then poured open a box of  dried potato flakes, a box of Morton's salt, tap water and mucked around in a test kitchen for 24 hours.

3. Garden gnomes 
What are they in your yard for? Hidden camera surveillance? They just look like they're going to come alive and start peeping in your bathroom window.

4. Obesity statistics. 
Is everyone fat now, or did they also change the criteria for what constitutes obese?

5. Those erectile dysfunction television commercials
All of them make me NOT want to have sex with any guy over 30. Between the plaintive "When the moment is right" refrain and the threat of lasting all weekend long. What??!! It makes you think you're going to be an earthquake victim somewhere trapped under a jackhammer that's screaming "Is it good? Is it good?"

6. Nipple piercings. Enough said.

Chimp Love Shirt. Next time, just get the shirt. Forget about the chimp.
7.  People who live with exotic animals like chimps and tigers...especially when they place them in Pampers and serve a diet of HoHos and Doritos. You just have to know that one day, that creature is going to stare up from its plate of frozen Eggo waffles and fake maple flavored syrup and simply kick your ever-living ass.  

8. White couches. Where do you sit? Does everyone get to sit there or just certain people? Are the owners the same people who make you take your shoes off at the door? Should we wear togas?

Cat Antoinette at Etsy
9. Adults stealing Halloween. What is  up with this phenomenon? The last year I took my daughter trick or treating, adults were lining the pavements dressed up in Freddy Krueger and Marie Antoinette costumes holding cocktails and sucking down beers. All I wanted was for my kid to get a bucket of candy so I could go home and eat it behind her back. I officially have become my parents.

10. Speedos. Please. Just stop the madness before I go blind.

Good night,

Copyright Wanda Fleming, 2011


CARLA said...

LOL hard...Ah yes Wanda....I confess I am guilty as charged with the Halloween one. I dress up every year. Although I drink the kiddie punch and diet soda for adults..n liquor. I don't like the candy much never do the kids ok maybe those little kit kats :)(we still have candy left over from last Halloween) I guess I should finally toss it? But we like collecting it which is always loads of fun. Kids dont take me with them anymore I hand out the treats at home. Juicy pants no comment....although is seemed like every young women on UVa"s campus had them on when I was last there....speedos..hmmmm speechless..hated them in the eighties....still hate them.

Wanda Fleming said...

A teacher at the children's school once had those sweats on...Given the choice, I'd take salty over sweet..potato chips over candy...Lily says there were two men in Speedos at the Wilson pool yesterday--uh oh--some gentlemen did not get the memo!! :-)

CARLA said...

Lol about the teacher's dress...that would be a fun blog to write about......first day of school last year a teacher wore a low halter,mini skirt and flip flop looking shoes....the fourth grade boys went crazy....I was not amused and glad that she was not my sons she was not petit...quite the opposite...sorry I guess I am old school..just couldn't take her serious..

Marian Cates said...

Hilarious! Are you publishing these anywhere else? HubPages, for instance. There's so much supposed-to-be-funny stuff out there. It's a delight to read funny stuff that actually is. Funny, that is. Cheers, Marian

Wanda Fleming of River Girls Soap said...

Carla LOL@ "the fourth grade boys went crazy..." Hahhahha... Oh my....

Marian. Thanks for the compliment. It's very sweet. I think I try not to be a smart ass but alas I have a bit of that in my nature and sometimes it comes seeping out lol .... ;-)

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